Warning...venting post ahead.

10.09.2008

DSC09948

This picture pretty much sums up the way I've been feeling lately. I wish I was the one taking the big bite out of life, but no I feel like life is taking a big bite out of me. Yesterday was whorl-winded enough to send me fleeing to the computer with one screen searching for a farmette and another looking for a job for Dan near said farm. He walked in and asked why I was looking for a job for him...my response.."Because I really just want to be a homeschooling, farm living, goat milking mama." He just looked at me, said "I don't want to be a farmer" and walked away. A mama can dream can't she.

So you ask what is it that's making you so crazy this year? Well in addition to the normal stuff around here: work, kids, soccer coaching, soccer playing (for me-a girls gotta get some exercise), normal housework-which really isn't getting done, I am back in school. It's only 2 classes but they are online and are really kicking my butt.

Why back in school you ask. Because some young 20 something verison of myself thought it was a great idea to leave school with 2, yes 2 classes left to take. I can just take them online or by mail I said. Ummm, that was 12 years ago. You would think I would have done this when I was foot loose and fancy free with no kids, nope. Or maybe when the girls were babies and I didn't have a job outside the house, nope. I chose to start this when there is soccer, and scouts, and work, and preschool and all that other good stuff going on. Maddie is in preschool 16 miles away from our house at a community college, I thought it would be perfect, she can go to school, I can study on campus and save $12.00 a day on gas (it hurts to type that) by not driving back and forth. It's a great plan but add in the 4 hours I'm gone 3 days a week and it's like another job. And I have 3 more classes to take because I've been gone for so long. The grand plan is for me to start grad school next year in Early Childhood Education.
So yesterday for the first time in I don't know how long we had McDonald's for dinner. We ran to soccer practice,came home did homework, jammies, books bed and a bit of dreaming for mama.
As much as I love the idea of being a farmer I don't really think I could do it. Well, I could but I would be one of those messy farmers, with crazy rigged up fences, rusting tractors and chickens running across the road. So for now I'll keep it as a dream, get up a little earlier each day and finish up my classes, ignore the chaos at home and realize that all of this is really just me taking a big bite out of life.

In other news the new kidmade challenge is up here and to all of my friends and family that have been calling and wondering where I am, there ya go. And there is no intentional slight on not returning call, just not so much time.

7 comments:

Logi's mom said...

We love ya Mary! Calls or no calls, we know where to find you...

Manda said...

You can do it Marytree! I know a cool farm you could work at:

http://gouldfarm.org/home.htm

DeLi said...

i have so many things tbhat i want to do too..maybe one step at a time or maybe, just taking i t one day after the other...

all the best......

DeLi said...

i have so many things tbhat i want to do too..maybe one step at a time or maybe, just taking i t one day after the other...

all the best......

Daisy Path said...

thank you for posting this! i did the same thing but only had one class left...i took that class 8 years after i had been in college and found out i had new class requirements to fulfill! ugh! i need to just do it, but haven't. i thought i was the only out there who had done something like this. thanks for the honesty and encouragement!

Lori said...

i have felt this tremendous pull toward something before, and while i didn't end up doing the exact same thing i was fantasizing about, i was so on fire about it that it did end up taking me on a new path.

i hope it works that way for you. :^)

it's better to be awake and alive and passionately pursuing your best life than somnolent in front of the tv - keep your passion!

xoxo

Steve said...

Mary! I've had so many similar thoughts lately its almost scary, mine to tend to be more live out in the woods type, but veggie gardening would be involved. We should start a commune, of course Karin feels like Dan, not up for dirt. Bah.

Chin up! Your friend,
Steve